WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm going to jail i love you
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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