So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
