Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
