Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
