Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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