just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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