he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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