Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I love you.
Bad choice
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
