I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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