well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
