he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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