I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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