Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
