I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
