mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
