I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
how can u be prego again
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
