Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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