i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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