I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
