Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
