she woke up with a sticky ear
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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