Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
