I'm lost and stupid without you.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
