I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Ladies don't puke and tell
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
