just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
how does that bad decision feel?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
