You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
