May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
how does that bad decision feel?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
