I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
