i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
