My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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