Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
