I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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