dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
