Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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