Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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