be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
