to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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