My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
