Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
so much tequila, so little girl.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
