This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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