You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
