I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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