i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
