apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
