Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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