All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
