In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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