i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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