That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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