I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
