sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
