im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
